Finally, it’s over.

I staggered over to zombie’s terminal, push his still corpse out of the chair, and sat down. Now I’m typing myself.

So Jared is pretty much the man, modifying this disease using only high school and community college science lab equipment, like a boss. I’m a zombie now! What will I do with myself?

I guess I’ll live out the rest of my days, reblogging the Huffington Post and making “best of” lists every week as the world gets back on its feet, until I’m so badly decomposed the keys start pushing my fingers up and my eyes melt and drip out of their sockets.


I’m totally gonna zombie walk back to the house, kill as many as I can on the way there, and growl goodbye to Carly, Tim, and Jared, after which Carly is going to put a bullet in my head.

So remember, kids! Don’t do drugs, stay in school, and don’t be a douchebag like Simon.

And kill lots of zombies. Lassie out.


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