Hi. I’m zombie. Let me just fill in the story between Lassie’s last post and now and everything will make sense.
The Plague Lord was sitting in the nicest office chair the building had, reclining with his feet on the counter across the lobby from the front door and munching on Milky Ways, as he usually does.
The front door slammed open, which caused the light to flicker. The Plague Lord looked up all nonchalantly like the faggot he is. I can say that, I know him.
The man drew a gun on the Plague Lord, leveled it at his face, and said “This is over.”
“Is that so?” The Plague Lord chided.
“Yeah. Right after you tell me. What the fuck?”
“Everything thinks the world is over. I killed 99% of the population. Some of them are now zombie bloggers, like the ones you see here in front of computer monitors. They reblog Huffington Post news and make stupid “best of the week” lists every week, just like mediocre always used to do. Everyone walks around with empty heads. Nothing’s different.”
“That’s a load of shit and I’m going to kill you.” The intruder pulled out a cell phone.
“What’s that for?” The Plague Lord asked.
“Oh. I’m going to tweet this,” The intruder explained.
“Don’t bother, I’ll just have one of my zombies post the play-by-play to your blog as everything happens. Do you want him to write from his point of view or yours?”
“No one can write from my point of view, so his.”
“Ok,” the Plague Lord said.
Doors open on either side of the lobby, letting half a dozen zombies into the room. The intruder begins firing on them, not missing even one shot.
The Plague Lord, taking his time, stands up, pulls a gun out of his stupid white lab coat, and shoots the intruder high in the chest. The intruder falls to his back and lies still.
The intruder had managed to shoot all the zombies before the Plague Lord shot him. Actually, the Plague Lord had probably waited until they were all dead. He walks over to the intruder’s corpse and stands over it, looking down at it and smirking.